I love you

Three words. Research says that these are the most important words in our lives, especially in our early development as children. Imagine that we spent our whole existence without hearing them. I must have read somewhere that if we grow up without hearing these words of affirmations, words of love from our primary care givers, then we might not do so well in love and relationships when we are adults. My guess is that whorever wrote that had not lived in this part of the world in the 90’s and years before that. “I love you” are not words that you were most likely to hear from your African parents back then. If they clothed you, if they protected you, if they fed you and you had a roof over your head, then they loved you. Period.

We did not question their love. It was there, on full display. Enter the new millenium, the age of chaos. We are young adults trying to find mates of the opposite sex, or tge same sex, our soulmates so to speak, but nobody prepared us for this phase. Our parents, who grew up in a different social set-up, did not prepare us adequately for this moment, neither did our education system with its Western pretentiousness. Information explosion is in our hands as well as the liberalization of the moral fabric of our society. We are no longer held in the strict confines of the traditional code of ethics. Neither are we held in grip by the religious ethics. If you were raised a strict adherent to particular religion, you could follow your religious teachings and have sort of a moral compass, but most of us abandoned that pretense of religiosity in the name of freedom. We only use it as a shield when our worldview is called in to question. Other wise, we act based on what we think is trending at that time.

Enter dating into this complicated mess. In today’s world, “I love you” is a phrase that is used as a means to an end. It is the most useless phrase in the history of words. There are those who genuinely say it and they actually mean it. Unfortunately, most times this phrase is deployed to achieve an end. Men use it to get women into bed, women use it to get to men’s pockets. It seems we have all accepted it, ‘Lie to me that you love me, then I will give you whatever it is that you are after,’ a tacit agreement.

There are few of us who would actually do without this BS. If you want something why don’t you actually say it?

Do not lie to me that you love me when all you want is sex.

Also, do not lie to him that you love him while all you are after is his cash.

Dating should not be about deception. It should be about discovering the person sitting across the table from you.

However in the age of hook-up apps and dating sites/apps that have turned into hook-up sites, what do we expect? Lies! And the most common one is “I love you.”